bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
