It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
