one might say we're banned from that church
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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