Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
