"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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