Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
