What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just invented taco cereal.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
