I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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