What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
