Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
