my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
