Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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