the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize