worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
