i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
