Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
