well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
