I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
