Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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