Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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