Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
