Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This is the high leading the old right now
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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