Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
