after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
