he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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