Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Randomize
