I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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