What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
