i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
