Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
