Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
