The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
