I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
