he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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