Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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