even my farts smell like vagina
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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