yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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