Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
