they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
