why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Found the puke drawer
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Never joke about your clitoris.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
