wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
