did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
