Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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