Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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