Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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