Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
