I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
