He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
