for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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