Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
