you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
