come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
