you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize