Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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