Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
