I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
