his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
