she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
