And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
