my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
