That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
