I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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