at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
