My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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