He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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